She Says: Flower Cutters
It’s another grey and rainy day here! I have lots to do before I go to work including some baking with bananas, a trip to the gym and more resume sending. I just had a nice big bowl of yogurt (Greek and Non-Greek), Cereal, Ground Flax and Pecan Butter! Delicious combination.
Break the Habit Update: My nails are looking pretty good! One week left and I will have successfully not bitten for a month!
So, something I wanted to talk about: Flower Cutters.
Flower Cutter (n.) – A person who cuts down your flower to make his/her flower look taller.
My sister Nadine developed the term to describe the unkind and annoying breed of person who makes you feel bad about yourself. Such a person is toxic, more so than the average meany, because this person is king of the back-handed compliment as a means of insult. For example, this person might say something like, “It’s so great that you will just run to the store without fixing yourself." Or, “I love how you eat so many brownies and don’t even worry about getting fat.” Or, “You’re so lucky that you can buy jeans like a normal person. My jeans are always falling off in the waist.” Or, “You are so lucky you are a [fill in the blank major], I have sooooo much work to do!” I’ve found that dwelling on their “business” is a key thing for flower cutters to chat about.
You see? I know you know this person.
Well, over the years, I have developed a strategy for this person:
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Identify a flower cutter: Do you have a friend or co-worker who always makes you feel bad about yourself through thoughtless comments and back-handed compliments?
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Give them a break: An isolated incident of flower cutting may be unintentional. Traditionally, I am very hard on people and expect a lot, but now I am more apt to give someone a second or third chance. No one is perfect.
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Avoid a flower cutter: I have made the conscious decision to stop spending time with these people. They only make me feel bad about myself.
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Don’t be so sensitive: I will admit that I am a very sensitive person who takes hurtful comments to heart. I’ve learned to not take everything quite so personally and try to move on.
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Acknowledge their insecurities: I think that when people act like this they are letting their inner insecurities shine. Don’t stoop to their level by letting them make you feel bad!
So, it doesn’t always work, but I try. What are some things you to do to deal with flower cutters?
P.S. Check out Danica’s Annie’s Giveaway!
Tags: Break the Habit Challenge, cereal, flax, pecan butter, yogurt
May 5th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Breakfast looks very yum. What is your favorite non greek yogurt? I love the term flower cutter! I def know a person or two JUST like this. Great tips
May 5th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Oh yeah. I know a lot of these people. I may even have a few in my family. I mostly smile and avoid any prolonged interaction.
By the way, I wanted to recommend Burt’s Bees Lemon Butter cuticle creme. I think it’s pretty awesome.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:26 am
oh wow, that’s very interesting and really makes you think. you deal with it well, i think i let it get to me, but i’m trying to get better about that! good to think about
ps- nails look great!
May 5th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Flower cutters, if they are super toxic they are gone from my life and that includes relatives. If they just toss out backhanded compliments all the time, I recognize how insecure they are and just laugh about it. Sometimes it might make me super frustrated but I usually get past it because it’s their issue not mine.
I actually get hungry on my runs or my stomach feels empty, that’s when I know it’s time to pull out the fuel for the last bit.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:36 am
i love the idea of “flower cutters” – what a great comparison. i have a few in my family, which makes it hard to really stand up for myself and actually get through to them. I’ve just learned to wade through it with family – they’re never going to change, so I might as well not be bothered by it.
nails looks great!
May 5th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Keep up the good work on the nail biting!!
That is a good term. I am sure we have all been guilty of being a flower cutter unintentionally and this is a good reminder to really think about the things we say to people. I know when this happens to me, it hurts and I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel that way.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:51 am
I love the term flower cutter. My friends and I came up with a term to describe the same type of behavior. However, we named dubbed it Yaz. That is so yaz or yaz like behavior. It is named after the biggest and baddest flower cutter I know. Funny story – a good friend battled her weight in college, she was always on and off weight watchers and this certain flower cutter came into J street (our communal eating area) and saw her eating chic -fil-a (however you spell it) and she said “I thought you were on a diet” My naturally anxious friend wanted to crawl in a hole. Damn those flower cutters.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Oh my Aunt is such a flower cutter it’s ridiculous, she has a way of making you feel so bad about yourself. She was the queen of backhanded compliments. I’ve avoided speaking to her for over 3 years now just because it’s so upsetting to be near her.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Ugh those darn flower cutters – always trying to bring other people down!!! Congrats on your nails – they look really good!
May 5th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Do I have to come down there and kick some flower cutter ass?! Who’s bothering you? Is it still… you know… (I shouldn’t say her name cause I think she read the blog), now that you live close to her again. What prompted this?
Also, John and I talk about flower cutters all the time.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Flower cutters is a great term! If someone gets “sly” with me, I’ll usually give it right back. I find that it doesn’t happen anymore!!!
Have a great day!
May 5th, 2009 at 9:45 am
heather, your nails look so healthy and long! is the habit officially broken?
your whole flower cutter description/strategy is so spot on! i avoid flower cutters like the plague. who needs them?!
May 5th, 2009 at 9:47 am
I know a few flower cutters and I never know what to say to them, because their remarks are so backhanded it’s hard to address them!
May 5th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Your nails are looking great!
I love the flower cutter term. Those people really get to me because like you I am very sensitive. Probably more because I cry all the time. I’m a baby. Anyway, thanks for the tips. I need to work on your suggestions and not let them get to me. I used to have a close friend who was a MAJOR flower cutter. It got so bad that at a breaking point I simply stopped speaking to her. She didn’t attempt to speak to me — but she made it clear how she felt by posting blog entries about how “a weight has been lifted off her shoulders” — clearly referring to me not speaking to her. Just cutting my flowers some more, huh?
Anyway, great post!
May 5th, 2009 at 9:55 am
i kind of thought you were talking about real gardening!!!! i was like HUH??? lol
i cant stand backhanded compliments.. usually i will ask directly, “whats that supposed to mean?” .. that kind of stops them and makes them think.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:03 am
What a great term to describe “those” type of people! I definitely like to avoid that type for sure. Negativity in any form makes me unhappy! Great term!
Breakfast looks good! Mmmm!
May 5th, 2009 at 10:28 am
I try my best to forgive/avoid those people too, but I have such low tolerance so I usually end up being pretty annoyed.
You are lajsdjfljsd-ing AMAZING. Your nails look SO GOOD. Honestly, I’m totally floored by the success of your challenge to yourself! GREAT JOB!!
May 5th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Ooh interesting terminology! I definitely know some people like this. It’s tough because I always feel like my real friends are happy for me no matter what, even if they are jealous. And I do often think that it is jealousy or insecurity that prompts these comments – so I try to look at it that way and forgive the person for not knowing how to handle it better. It’s tough to not let it get to you though!
Keep us all updated on your running fuel! I have never used any of the “real” fuels, but often pin a little baggie of about 100 calories worth of skittles for long runs. They boost my energy a bit and I LOVE an excuse to enjoy them without any guilt whatsoever. I used swedish fish once, but they got stuck in my teeth too much!
May 5th, 2009 at 10:49 am
I like this term for people like that. I never knew what to call them. I have had many people in my life who’ve put down my healthy lifestyle. It’s very ironic because some of them have apologized years later, after they started living a more healthy lifestyle too.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Your nails really ARE looking great – such a big improvement. I am not sure I have any advice on flower cutters though
( Sorry.
Thanks for the Annie’s Mac & Cheese Contest Shout Out – be sure to enter all 4 times for your chance to win
May 5th, 2009 at 10:56 am
what a great term you two thought up.
I know a few myself, and I usually just laugh it off and move on.
May 5th, 2009 at 10:56 am
and by move on i mean get upset for a few hours, watch junky tv, and think mean thoughts.
bad, but effective.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:08 am
I pretty much gave up on ever having girlfriends in college and especially law school, because they were ALL flower cutters. My mom is a HUGE flower cutter, and has no clue that she is. She thinks its actually being supportive to say, “I had to do everything that you do with two kids and I didn’t even have your dad’s help!” Okay, you win.
I even have a commenter now that is a flower cutter, saying things like “How many calories do you eat, it seems like a lot!” and “I eat way less than you!” It drives me nuts.
I don’t think you can do anything about flower cutting but ignore it and try to minimize the amount of contact you have with them. I think if you try to say something it just fires them up more.
It’s also been really effective for my mom and a few fc friends to read all the sweet supportive comments I get on my blog. Hmm…maybe building someone else up doesn’t mean that you are any less of a person.
Gosh, sorry for the vent. I think I need to see a counselor now
May 5th, 2009 at 11:13 am
your nails are looking SO much better, keep it up!
grrr…back handed compliments annoy me to no END! i love that phrase “flower cutters” – tell your sis shes quite witty. i agree that as hard as it is to let go, its prob the mature thing to do. especially since 99% of the time it is the manifestation of that person’s own insecurities with themselves.
i think we (in the blogging community) are probably exposed to this even more than others – why is it that eating habits, particularily healthy ones are so judged? i guess people think that by centering a comment around their own choices and acting self depricating, the jab wont be as obvious? i dont know. i have one girl i work with who ALWAYS says stuff like that, and at first i thought it was a cultural thing (shes from albania) but more and more im realizing her remarks are just mean. still, i think ignoring her comments is the only way i know how to deal – otherwise im afraid things would erupt (shes actually been known to have had a few blow ups with others). i mean, i still have to work with her on a daily basis!
May 5th, 2009 at 11:26 am
I know SO many flower cutters….urrr. It is beyond frustrating dealing with these types of people, because they are not idiots and they actually WANT you to react negatively (I think). I have a hard time NOT saying something to them after awhile (and I’m extremely non-confrontational) because I don’t want them to think it’s okay to treat others that way.
But, yeah, limiting your contact with FCs is highly encouraged.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
I’ve been around plenty of flower cutters and as much as I’d love to tell them off sometimes, I try to deal with it rationally. I try to remember that they may not have realized they were being offensive (sometimes things just come out the wrong way, I am sure I’ve been guilty of it too). I do my best not to give their comments a second thought or let it bother me, because it’s not worth it. I’ve gotten lots of comments from flower cutters regarding my weight and eating habits, and I just don’t care. If people need to make negative comments like that to make themselves feel better, than that is sad.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
This is too, too funny. In my 5th period class I had a fun lecture to my students about flower cutters and how we should all avoid flower cutting. How do coincedences like this happen?!?
May 5th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I like this term and never really thought about it before.
May 5th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I LIVE with a flower cutter! I get the university major thing from her the most. Things like “you’re so lucky you go to an arts school, I have soooo much work to do.” To which I usually respond by telling her maybe she should have picked a different degree, then she’d like doing the work more!
Her other qualities are awesome enough that I can look past it though. And I understand she’s struggled with insecurities her whole life. Besides, who else would I watch the Food Network with?
May 5th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Great term…I hate people like that!!!
May 5th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Argh people always say “oh you’re so lucky you’re in the social sciences! Biology is so hard!”
I usually prove them wrong
Like “well, I’ll dissect a frog and YOU write a 25 page paper on the characterization of realists and postmodernists by academic scholars in the New Journalism Era. Or maybe you’d rather explain the concept of colorblindness and affirmative action as legal and social constructs? I thought so.”
But other times, I just let it pass
Great term! You should urbandictionary.com it.
May 5th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Flower cutter – what a nice way to put it. Ha. I’ve known quite a few in my day! I tend to ignore it, but maybe I will start calling them on it. I normally just grumble that they are a jerk and move on, but no longer!
Congrats on the nails — they’re looking good!!!
May 5th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
What in the world is a flower clipper? This website fascinates me, I’m so confused, yet intrigued. I’ll be right back, I’m going to chew on some sticks for awhile.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
No more toxic people!
May 6th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
I find it funny that we all know one but none of us IS one (of course). I think we all have a tendency to want to make ourselves feel better/more important. I know I do. We have to be conscious of this behavior in ourselves in order to avoid it! I try not to be this way (of course), but sometimes I do it. I try to acknowledge it and avoid it the next time.
May 12th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Wow – I’m late on this (still catching up from a week of being away!), but I had to comment because I totally have a friend like this and she totally did this to me when I was home for the wedding! I was talking about how I was nervous my dress top wouldn’t fit me and she said to me, “well don’t feel bad if you have to let it out a little, you were super tiny when we got fitted.” WTF?! Thanks for making me feel better that my dress doesn’t fit by telling me I’ve gained weight. I gained 5lbs, not 50! Ugh… sorry, it still bugs me she said it. I’m too sensitive too.
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