She Says: Sometimes You Need the Real Thing
Recently, I’ve been having short dreams about my grandpa. It happens when I am falling asleep. In the dreams, he’s laughing and smiling. He’s about 10 years younger than when he died. He’s always reaching to hug me. It’s comforting and sad at the same time. Comforting because I think he is trying to tell me something. Sad because I might never know what it is he’s trying to say, and I will never really get to hug him.
He also pops into my mind in odd ways. Tonight, for example, I was watching the Yankees game (he was a huge Yankees fan) and doing lesson plans when I had a clear and sudden impulse to make No Bake Cookies.
My grandfather’s sister, my Aunt Chintzy (Vicenza) was a wonderful cook. Everything she made was from scratch, and she spent days in the kitchen before a holiday. Her home always smelled of delectable treats and warmth. I remember every holiday she made me tea, and I felt so grown up adding tablespoon upon tablespoon of sugar. She was kind and she was generous and I am happy knowing my grandpa is reunited with his sister now.
Like I said, she was marvelous in the kitchen. Unfortunately for me, I was such a picky eater that I did not get to appreciate many of the things she made because I simply would not each things like Apple Crisp or Blueberry Slump. She did, however, always make a dessert I would like: No Bake Cookies. So simple, yet so satisfying.
While watching baseball I suddenly had to have them. I searched for what I thought was her No Bake recipe and found one on the Quaker website. I distinctly remember that hers had peanut butter, so I added some of that as well. Ordinarily, I would try to modify something like this to make it the healthiest treat possible, but not tonight. These are full of white sugar and butter and they are delicious! I did have to use Almond Milk and Barney Butter, but they were just like I remember and that was worth it.
I know that food is not supposed to comfort. It is supposed to be fuel, but I don’t think I would ever want to think like that. Perhaps it’s a simpler way to be, but most of my happy memories are associated with food, and I would not want to lose that. I think there is an important difference between eating something like cookies to hide from sadness or escape from reality (i.e. the stereotypical tub of ice cream after a break up), and enjoying them because they help you remember or celebrate something happy.
I hope you had a wonderful day!
October 17th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
I love when people connect food to memories. (Sidenote: Did you read Jonathan Safran Foer’s article in the NYT?) And I think there’s nothing wrong with comfort food in the sense you described. My grandma often made no-bake cookies and now I am dreaming of hers. Yum!
October 17th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
I think food can absolutely comfort and be fuel and that was a very touching story of your baking tonight. Recipes are amazing at passing down memories, because a stick of butter, 2 cups of flour, a cup of sugar, and other ingredients will make the same cookies they did 20 years ago if the right love and care is put into them.
One of my grandfathers died 3 years ago, and I always love it when I come across him in a dream. Memories are great and will hopefully last forever, but they’re also manipulatable; I can make my grandfather dance in my head if I want to. But if he’s dancing in a dream, it feels uncontrollable, like something he’s actually doing, and makes t feel that much more like he’s actually there.
October 17th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
I don’t think you should be sad, if he keeps apearing to you in dreams you will eventually find out what he’s trying to tell you. I believe in that 100%. Keep dreaming.
October 17th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
My Papa has been gone for over eight years now and I still miss him terribly. I find comfort in the fact that he is waiting for me in Heaven. I hope thoughts such as these can help you find comfort too!
October 17th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
That is such a true, and important, distinction!
October 17th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Those are one of my family’s most traditional and favourite Christmas cookies! We call them fiddle diddles. Yum.
October 17th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
OH Heather! I know what you mean about the dreams. It is really beautiful that you are having them though, and I am not sure of your faith but I believe he is really coming to you in these dreams to let you know he is ok. After my mom….I had a lot of dreams about her and she was always in this wild white dress with crazy brightness and the most peaceful smile, and she would be trying to tell me something but I never knew what it was. At the same time, although I would wake up crying, the dreams would be so comforting and I felt like she was really THERE letting me know she was ok.
I hope your dreams can give you the same confidence and comfort as mine have given me. I haven’t had a dream about my mom in a while, and I wish I would.
October 17th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Sometimes food should just be fun and not necessarily healthy. As long as it’s not all you eat you are fine. Some of my best food memories are making cookies and pies with my grandmother. I wouldn’t give up that good stuff even though I don’t normally eat sugar. I’m looking forward to my welsh cookies this holiday season because I know my grandmom will be laughing at me from heaven as I try to do get it right.
October 17th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
My husband saw the picture above and said, “Are those… No Bake Cookies???!??!!” I could hear the excitement in his voice. Looks like I’ll be trying to make some of my own soon.
October 17th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Those are mine (and Mallard’s) favorite cookies! I am looking for a version using natural AB and maybe agave. Perhaps I will just have to devise my own rendition!
October 18th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Oh Heath, I don’t know what to say. My heart is breaking for you. Mwwaaa (that’s a kiss).
October 18th, 2009 at 12:26 am
I had dreams about my grandmother every night after she passed. It was comforting, yet troubling. Now I only dream about her once every few months, and I miss those dreams because at least I felt closer to her then. And I also made apple strudel every day for about six months. Love you, girl.
October 18th, 2009 at 12:34 am
I think this is wonderful. Food is tied to emotion and memory and you’ve always owned that reality on this blog. Thanks for appreciating the cultural and familial significance tied to food, and just bless your heart for going through what you’re going through…
Dreams are tough, right? They’re so private, can’t be explained, and are sometimes on your mind the entire day after. I keep having dreams about Portland and my family and Oregon and it definitely shakes me up.
Hugs b!
October 18th, 2009 at 12:48 am
I really loved this post. So touching and like Sabrina, I absolutely believe that dreams like this are real in some way.
I completely agree with you eating because of happy memories vs. eating to escape from reality. I’m glad you were able to get something out of these cookies. They certainly look delicious
My thoughts are with you.
October 18th, 2009 at 3:18 am
i’m a firm believer that often food can, and should, be BOTH fuel and comfort. in fact, i just wrote an essay titled “when eating is remembering” (which is on my blog) that touches on this subject. i think it’s very important!
this is a lovely tribute.
October 18th, 2009 at 5:45 am
I love this post.
*hugs*
October 18th, 2009 at 7:23 am
I think it’s important to have a sensory attachment to food. And it’s okay if those are memories!! I think the line gets drawn when you start eating food to comfort yourself, but stop recognizing what it is that you’re eating. And you’re so right, sometimes you just need the real thing. I made chocolate chip cookies a while back that were chock full of sugar, butter and giant chocolate chip. They were divine and I savoured every bite
October 18th, 2009 at 7:26 am
I bet you could easily make that sub. I would melt the AB and agave together, then add the chocolate and oats.
October 18th, 2009 at 7:54 am
I connect so many recipes to my grandma, and when I’m feeling down, or particularly miss her, I’ll make one. I have to forget the “supposed to’s” and go with the reality.
October 18th, 2009 at 8:17 am
What a beautiful post
Made me think of my grandmother, who died when I was about 9. She used to have tea parties with me, too, and always had cookies waiting when we came over. Grandmas are the best… thanks for the trip down memory lame
October 18th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Food is a huge part of our lives, of family visits and celebrations. Its natural and normal that smells and tastes bring comfort! And recognizing that is the best way to avoid ALWAYS going to food when you need to be comforted.
You will learn to cherish those dreams. My father died 8 years ago, and I still have them. It was hard at first, but now it starts my day with a smile and a knowing(in my mind at least) that there is more out there.
October 18th, 2009 at 9:32 am
It has been one year this week that Mark’s grandma died and I still dream of her almost every week. I had one just last night, with her sisters who are also gone, and it is like we were all together again. In my dreams I am almost always taking care of her. She is always happy, so I like to think that she was pleased with me and she is in a happier place.
To me a dream is an extension of life. Embrace it.
October 18th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Connecting food to a memory is wonderful! I would hate to only think of food as fuel too. It’s SO much more than that. And you’re right…sometimes the real thing is exactly what you need.
October 18th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I sometimes have the same exact feeling.But it’s about my great grandmother that i never met before..weird..but true. I love the no bake cookies. They’re so yum.
October 18th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Heather,
I love your post, all of it is so true. I think cooking/baking is a great outlet and way to connect with emotions…
Also, I hope you’ll go to a second spin class soon! Each class is going to be different (in my opinion) depending on the instructor – and their workout and choice in music…..however, after I had to stop running and discovered spin – it’s become my new passion! I really love it! : ) Have fun! I hope it grows on you!
October 18th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Awww Heather, I absolutely agree that food made in celebration and memory is lovely. It makes me smile that you made those cookies to remember your grandfather and great aunt. I have been dreaming about my grandparents a lot lately, too. I never did until they passed away. Isn’t that interesting? I can’t help but think that yes, perhaps they are trying to tell us something.
October 18th, 2009 at 11:58 am
This is a wonderful post, Heather. Some of my best memories of growing up are centered around food because that is when my family was all together. I lost my grandfather about a month ago and I am still trying to deal with the loss every day. Thinking of all the good times when he was healthy and the happiest helps. Making the memories come alive like you have done with the cookies I think is one of the healthiest ways to cope.
October 18th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I think food SHOULD be comforting, especially when it is attached to a pleasant memory or a loved one. Memory gets lodged in different forms: sometimes it’s an object or a scent, and sometimes it’s a recipe.
October 18th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I used to looove no bake cookies! I agree that food should be experienced – not just used as fuel.
October 18th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Yikes i’m praying i don’t have homesickness dreams, i actually really dislike dreaming and it’s alternate-reality-unknown-ness if that makes sense. I agree with you 110% that food is symbolic and it represents people and past times and memories..and it’s always the good stuff. Can’t remember the last time I craved a head of broccoli to take me back to better times
October 18th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
I think he’s just trying to tell you that he is okay! I still dream of my Dad every once in a while – and he’s been gone 10 years!
October 18th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I had the same types of dreams when my aunt passed away, and they were both comforting and sad all at once. I think it’s just our minds expressing how much we miss those that we love.
And I definitely agree there is a fine line between eating FOR comfort and eating foods that are COMFORTING
October 18th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
[...] with Earth Balance and rice milk, plus added peanut butter) for the week. I saw that Heather made them recently and it brought me back to making them in my home economics class in sixth grade. I loved that [...]
October 19th, 2009 at 12:49 am
I dreamed about my grandpa a lot right after he passed away, too. It’s a wonderful thing that food is so connected to memory and emotion, and I am glad that you found some comfort with those cookies.
October 19th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
My mom makes these cookies every year at Christmas. Addicting!
October 19th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
I completely agree with you about comfort food! Sometimes it is just what you need and there’s nothing wrong or unhealthy about that :O).