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Enough Happiness To Go Around
This is a post about jealousy, a post about building one another up instead of acting from a place of insecurity. It is not a post about how to be less jealous or how to deal with bullying. It’s a reminder of what you were taught long ago – treat others how you want to be treated.
This post is about a story from my life. I am not the lead character, but it impacted who I am and why female relationships are fascinating and important to me.
When I was eight or nine years old my three older sisters were in high school and college. One sister found herself the target of extreme bullying, although back in the late 80s I believe it was just called being mean. All my sisters are beautiful. I’m not going to fake modesty and pretend that they aren’t fabulous. This sister was smart, pretty, nice, had an older football playing boyfriend; she was a cheerleader and a dancer. Sadly, she had no real female friends.
One day my family found a sign on their front lawn. Before the internet people had to get creative with their bullying. The sign said ‘House of Whores’ and listed the names of all of the females in my house, including my mom. Including nine year-old me. I didn’t see the sign or know what the words meant, but I knew what was going on. I also knew what was going on when a year or two later this same sister came home with a broken nose, her face smashed by other girls at a school-sponsored dance.
I wish relationships between females were less complicated.
I am grateful for my sisters because I am able to learn from them as women judgment and jealousy free. I am happy without qualification for their successes. Sometimes I’ve wanted what they have, but my pure joy for them outweighs any thoughts of envy. Not all female relationships are like this, but I wish they could be.
I don’t expect to fix it on my own, but I can share what I remind myself about from time to time. You can be a powerful, strong, smart, funny, interesting and successful female (or male). You can disagree and critique. You can be unique. You can be all of these things without tearing someone else down. There is more than enough happiness to go around.
Instead of being a flower cutter, make someone feel wonderful today. And if you can’t do that, at least leave them alone.
That is HORRID. I’ve always been bad with girlfriends as well, when things get all cat-fighty or stupid I just withdraw and go hang with the dudes. I hate the drama, I always have.
Fantastic writing. Horrible subject – so, so sorry that this happened to your sister and your family. It sometimes blows my mind how cruel people can be online – but I always related it back to the fact that people feel they can hide behind a wall of technology. It takes pure, disgusting nerve for someone to do something so personal in front of your home. All I want to do is ask that person, why?
Thanks for sharing, Heather. As women, it is important to be constantly reminded of the power that hurtful words can have. Flower cutters be d@mned
Thanks Jenn. I often wonder if the person doing the mean, hurtful thing is happy. And even if it’s not that mean or hurtful, even if it’s just kinda rude – are they happy? Does acting like that bring peace?
Sisters are the best
i really love this message. women can be so mean to each other, and what for?
This is a great, honest post Heather. Thank you for sharing. I’m horrified your family had to go through that. Girls can be so vicious. I have very few female friends, no sisters, no female cousins. My mom is my best friend. And I rather hang out with my boyfriend and his friends any day over a girl. They don’t dwell on the small, insignificant things and they don’t show jealousy. It’s really so sad what women can do to each other.
Oh Heather, I am so sorry that your sister and family had to go through that. Why are women/girls so terrible to each other sometimes? I am a nurse. I never imagined that I would encounter so many miserable, mean, backstabbing women. While in nursing school I had heard about nurses “eating their young,” but didn’t believe it until it happened to me. I finally found a niche where I am comfortable and work with wonderful, kind, caring women, but the first few years of my nursing career were incredibly stressful and full of tears.
I also live in the community where the young girl committed suicide after being a victim of bullying in high school. This is the second such incident in my area. Last year it was an 11 year old boy who killed himself because of the bullying he endured. It doesn’t have to be like this. So sad.
Thanks for the post.
thank you.
i don’t want to comment for the sake of commenting, but there is really not much more I can say.
recently people have left me comments saying I was brave and strong for sharing my story – i find you brave and strong all the time – but especially in this matter – for standing up for what is right, keeping true to your convictions and sharing the power of kindness. I really appreciate you and your words, Heather.
Thank you.
This is brilliant! Thank you for posting.
This was so raw and really beautiful and full of such honesty. thanks for posting.
I can’t believe how cruel those girls were.
Heather,
You are a wonderful writer. I had blocked that incident out. Maybe because I was away at college at the time of the incident. We are lucky to have each other. I hope you know how proud I am of you.
Love, Nicole
this was a beautiful post. i am horrified that you and your family had to go through that. your poor mother! i dont understand why girls are like that? jealousy at its worst, i suppose. fortunately, i have a similarly strong relationship with my two sisters. i love them with all my heart and want nothing but the best for them…they are stunning, smart, and wildly independent. im so proud to be their sister!
[...] from Hangry Pants had a beautiful post a couple of weeks ago about the relationship with her sisters, and how she wish all relationships with female friends could be similar. I feel exactly the same [...]